Confessions of a Wayward Diet Goddess

If Alex could go to Hollywood, he'd definitely win an Oscar for "Best Male Dramatic Performance in Searching for Missing Football Cleats and Not Finding Them But Refusing to Accept the Blame That They May Have Been Left Behind After Friday's AWAY Football Game."

Our story begins yesterday when I arrived home from work. Alex had 20 minutes to finish getting dressed and get to the high school for his JV game. Plenty of time! Shortly after I walked in the door, he commanded his little brother to help him find his cleats. Nick refused and I told Alex that it wasn't Nick's responsibility to find his cleats. So he (Alex) stomps through the house, "looking" for the cleats. (Looking to a teenager equals rolling your eyes a lot and sighing apparently. How you can find anything with your eyes rolled in the back of your head, I'll never know. Oh wait. I do know. I used to be the Queen of the Eye Roll. Wonder where Alex got that?)

The story continues with the cleats in question not being found anywhere in the house and it somehow being my fault, Nick's fault, or his father's fault. I helped look and they were definitely not here, which was either my fault, Nick's fault, or his father's fault. I asked him to think back to Friday night and remember where he saw them last. He insists that he wore them into the house and took them off. I insist that he was wearing his tennis shoes because I distinctly remember yelling at him to "GET THOSE MUDDY CLEATS OFF MY CARPET!" when he and his father walked in from the game. Being the son of a smart ass mother, he lifted one foot and showed me his tennis shoes and gave some sassy remark of which he is lucky I don't remember.

We checked my car, since that's what they took to the game (I stayed home to work on my homework, by the way). Not in the trunk. Not in the back seat. Not under the seats. Not in the garage where he puts his helmet and shoulder pads. Not in the living room. Not in his bedroom. Not in a box with a fox or on the moon with a spoon. I do not like green eggs and ham, Sam-I-Am! And it was anyone's fault but Alex's that the cleats were missing, of course!

So I took him to the school and told him to go in, look for a coach, and ask if anyone found any shoes lying on the sidelines from Friday night's game. AND (this was the important part of the instructions) COME BACK OUT AND LET ME KNOW (he's notorious for going to find the answer, but failing to report back). He finally comes back out and reported that no shoes were found. So I called Mai Ling (who was still at work) and asked if he could make a frantic run to Hibbett's Sports and buy a new pair of cleats. Thankfully, his boss let him off work about 45 minutes early so that he could do just that. Problem solved! But still, THE DRAMA OF IT ALL! *sigh*

I then head home and hurry to get ready for my TOPS meeting. Took Nick with me since Mai Ling is making a frantic trip to buy cleats. Got on the scales and they showed 236.2 lbs! I lost 3.4 lbs!!!! That's a total loss of 18.8 lbs now since joining the gym! WOO!

After the meeting, Nick and I head out to watch the football game. We find Mai Ling sitting in the bleachers with a brand new pair of Nike cleats sitting beside him. I was like "WTF?!?!?" But I didn't say that because my mother-in-law and sis-in-law were there, and I don't think they'd like that. Well, I'm sure my MIL wouldn't... But anyway, apparently one of the coaches DID find Alex's cleats on the sidelines after the last game and brought them home. OMG! Would it have killed him to let the rest of the coaching staff know?!?!?! Apparently.

Early in the game, Alex got tackled and they landed in the mud because it's been raining for the last 40 days and 40 nights up here in Illinois. We got the leftovers of Hurricane Gustav and Hurricane Ike. I'm in ILLINOIS! I SHOULDN'T HAVE HURRICANES! WTF, DUDE, WTF?!?!?! So we have all been building arks and stuff in our spare time and our football fields are all like mud pits. It's really awesome to see your kid covered in mud from head to toe. Especially when you spend a weekend trying to get white game socks back to white again instead of an ugly shade of gray/brown just in time for them to be dragged through mud again and again and again. *sigh* DRAMA! I told him to let Coach know I was going to start charging for washing the football field mud. The only problem is, I haven't figured out how to return it once it's been laundered. By the way, we lost the game a majillion to zero. It sucked.

Immediately after the game, I rushed home to change into my gym clothes and grab my gear. I got to the gym a little after 8p. I did not want to work out. I wanted to go home and eat supper and study for my test on Thursday. Instead, I made myself do my workout. Once I got going, it was all good. I even managed to crank out 45 minutes on the treadmill. I'm glad I did, too. It sucks, but sometimes you've just got to suck it up and, like Nike says, just do it!

I finally got home to say at 9:45p and had my supper. I had a few other things to do, and then I literally fell into bed around 11p. I was out before my head even hit the pillow! The best part is, I get to repeat the whole production next Monday! Except I hope there's less drama before the game. I did receive an apology from my son, too, just so you know. I believe his father "strongly encouraged" him to do so. Before I kilt him with my bare hands. Or something like that.

In other, less drama-filled weight loss news, I updated my measurements tonight and I've now lost 17.5 inches off my body! Seventeen and-a-half inches of me are GONE! Do you know how big 17.5 inches are? Me neither but you can go look at your tape measure and then come back and show me. I'll wait.

Hurry up.

Wow, that big? Impressive if I do say so myself. The breakdown is:

Chest -3.5" (Mai Ling no like)
Upper Arm -1.0"
Hips -6.0"
Waist -4.0"
Thigh -1.5"
Calf -0.5"
Forearm - no change
Neck -1.0"

As of Saturday, I've been a member of the gym for 4 months. I can't imagine not having it my life now. The other day someone asked me if I could tell a difference in my energy level. I had to think about it for a couple of seconds and I realized that there is a small difference. There were times that I would sit here on my butt and realize I needed to do something in another room or across the room. Instead of getting up and doing it, I would either wait until I HAD to get up or try to get Mai Ling or one of the boys to do it. Now, I just get up and do it myself. I don't sit around, waiting. I go. I do. I enjoy that. It's a good thing.

Any drama in your life? Any teenagers that have had Oscar-worthy performances? Lost cleats, either your own or someone else's? Let me know in the comments! I'd love to hear your stories so that I know I'm not alone!

Posted by ~Diet Goddess~ at 10:17 PM |  

Labels: alex, drama, football, gym, weigh in